The phone call came the day after Thanksgiving, just as I was about to walk out the door to celebrate the upcoming birth of a new family member. The next 30 days were filled with doctors appointments, Christmas celebration after celebration and the start of a New Year. Life was so busy we hardly had time to really absorb the new reality ahead of us and the fact that stage 4 breast cancer has no cure, for the rest of my life here on earth I would be receiving chemotherapy treatments.
As the Christmas Season came and went and 2017 started, the meals, love and support continue flood us. We are so grateful for that. However, as life settled back in and the kids returned to school I started to slip into a dark place. I tried my best to hide it from my family and friends. I tried to hide the sadness and fear that was filling my soul. I put a smile on my face, went to work, games etc just as anyone would expect from me. Inside though I felt like I was dying.....
The sermon series at church this month is "Surrender" and each day I would do just that. I would surrender my fears to God and have enough strength to get through the day. I used to find so much peace in being alone, I would long for kids bedtimes so I could have a hour alone. But suddenly being alone was scary for me. It gave me time to think and made my mind run wild and full of fear. Sleepless nights, and so much anxiety. All I could do was what I knew to do and that was to keep praying and keep surrendering.
On January 15th, I went to visit a friend in the hospital. Someone just starting their own roller coaster ride with cancer, only she didn't get a chance to fight. Her ride ended far to soon. My friend died that same day. That weighed so heavy on my mind for days and still does. It was that day that I started to realize, yes I do have metastatic breast cancer. I understand there is no cure, but I am tolerating my treatment well, my side effects are manageable and I am finding balance in what I can do and what I need to let go. So why would I spend time being sad and depressed? I need to get busy living. Enjoying family, friends, work, and LIFE. Because I am here and I still have a LIFE. I have cancer, but I can't let cancer have my spirit.
In the past month the little community I am blessed to live in that sits on beautiful White Lake has blessed me beyond measures. It started with the Montague vs Whitehall girls basketball game becoming a pink out event, honoring and showing love and support for me and my family. The bleachers were packed in pink, and the gym was full of positive energy the entire evening.
My family attends Evangelical Covenant Church of Whitehall Michigan and last night our dear friend Craig Smith who is the Youth and Worship Pastor along with so many other wonderful people held the most amazing worship service for our family. We were blessed with a huge crowd of family, friends and even strangers. Showing love and support to us, wonderful music by a variety of people, some jokes, poems and so many prayers. My family left the worship last night with full hearts. It is such a gift to be blessed by our community. We tried to acknowledge each person who attended, but as we read through the cards we realized we missed so many of you. Please know we are so overwhelmed by the presence of everyone and we thank God for all of you touching our lives, praying for us, and helping us ease the financial burden that comes with cancer.
I am just about finished with my second round of chemo, and tolerating things well. Learning to balance life with the side effects. I will have a scan in about one month and we will see how my cancer is reacting to my treatment so far. I am learning that life is good and can continue to be good even with stage 4 cancer!
Peace and Hope,
Chris Stark and family
