Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Survivors Guilt (It is a thing)

Survivors Guilt, it really is a thing.  Boy, do I ever struggle with it!  I don't even know where to start.  In September of 2018 I had a trip planned with my friend Erin. Within 2 weeks of the departure of our trip she sent me a text that she had to have emergency surgery because her cancer had spread to her bones..... She wouldn't be able to make the trip we had planned.  I felt guilty, guilty that I had stage 4 cancer just like her.  Guilty that I still felt well, that I had been riding the STABLE ride. My sweet friend Erin, she died a few months later.  She left behind three young boys.  I got to watch my boy be part of the homecoming court,  play in a state championship football game, attend his senior prom and graduate from high school. I watched my daughter run in the track state finals as a freshman, turn 16 and drive out of our driveway for the first time all by herself. I went on a family vacation and also celebrated 20 years of marriage. Don't get me wrong, I was so EXCITED that I got to be a part of all of that, but there is an extreme feeling of guilt that also goes along with LIVING with metastatic breast cancer.  This spring, a young girl and her father from our community lives were taken in an accident, shortly after that my friend never woke from his sleep.  This isn't supposed to happen.  They should out live me by YEARS.  I have metastatic breast cancer.  I am nearly 3 years into my 2 to 5 year life span.  While I mourn the loss of their lives and I try to support their families I live with this guilty feeling.  It really is a tough thing. Today, I received the news that my cancer is STABLE.  Not growing, not shrinking, it is STABLE.  STABLE in my world is awesome!  At the end of the day, the lesson to be learned is, LIFE it is short.  Shorter than we could ever want it to be.  Live, live every single day.  Live life happily. Live it well. Live life to the fullest!  Be kind, be present in the moment and praise God!  Today, I received the news that my cancer is STABLE.... I hope and pray I ride this STABLE ride for a long long time!

Thanks to everyone who continues to pray for my health!

Here are a few fun photos of the last few months!

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The Boys at graduation!

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Brooke running!

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Friends celebrating life overlooking the Grand Canyon!

If you haven't checked out the song Broken Vessels Amazing Grace yet, please do!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiyYoe678yI

and of course, #getbusyliving

Peace and Joy,
Chris Stark

Monday, January 28, 2019

Intentional......



Am I being intentional? Do I execute my thoughts and feelings? So much on my mind these days......  I haven't posted an update about my health in awhile.  Trust me, the thought crosses my mind often. But I am busy.....  And I hate it when people use busy as an excuse, we are all busy.  But honestly I am busy!  I am busy living with a purpose.

It has been two years since my metastatic breast cancer diagnosis.  The first year was filled with surgery, doctors appointments, side effects and adjustments to the new normal, all while trying to fit everything from my bucket list into one year because honestly I had to live, and I had to hurry. 

The second year I decided to slow down some, reflect, journal and find my purpose.  Don't get me wrong, I am still checking items off my bucket list, and I still believe we all need to get busy living, but I want to do all of that with a purpose.  When you tell someone you are praying for them, are you really praying for them?  Or do you just tell them that because that is what people say when they don't know what else to say? I am blessed to have some very intentional prayer warriors in my court. I often receive text messages or cards in the mail with friends prayers for me.  That is intention, and purpose.

As I move into year three with metastatic cancer, I am blessed to have a loving family, friends, a career and I feel well. I am still on my first line treatment and side effects are minimal.  My December scan showed that my cancer is "stable".  Stable in cancerland means that cancer isn't growing or shrinking.  This is good news.  I thank the Lord every day that I am stable.......

During the past year we have traveled to the UP, camped, hiked, kayaked, visited Mackinac Island and truly enjoyed "Pure Michigan"




For Christmas we took a family trip to Georgia to watch Michigan play in the Peach Bowl.  While it wasn't the outcome we wanted it was a memory that we will never forget.


Bryce is a high school senior this year, and we have enjoyed every moment of his last year so far.  Below is one of our favorite senior pictures along with one of our favorite photos of him during the Division 6 State Football Finals.




During the past year and a half we have welcomed an extra teenager into our home. Below is one of his senior pictures.  Peyton has been a blessing to our family and we love having him around.


Brooke started her freshman year this year and is currently on the JV basketball team.  We have enjoyed watching her gain confidence and grow this past year.  Below is a picture of her after she made her first 3 point basket and also a picture of her and Bryce before the homecoming dance.



I truly enjoy each day and I am thankful for each moment that I have to get busy living intentionally and with purpose.

I wish you all a healthy happy 2019.  Most of all remember to take time to soak up the moments and enjoy life.