Survivors Guilt, it really is a thing. Boy, do I ever struggle with it! I don't even know where to start. In September of 2018 I had a trip planned with my friend Erin. Within 2 weeks of the departure of our trip she sent me a text that she had to have emergency surgery because her cancer had spread to her bones..... She wouldn't be able to make the trip we had planned. I felt guilty, guilty that I had stage 4 cancer just like her. Guilty that I still felt well, that I had been riding the STABLE ride. My sweet friend Erin, she died a few months later. She left behind three young boys. I got to watch my boy be part of the homecoming court, play in a state championship football game, attend his senior prom and graduate from high school. I watched my daughter run in the track state finals as a freshman, turn 16 and drive out of our driveway for the first time all by herself. I went on a family vacation and also celebrated 20 years of marriage. Don't get me wrong, I was so EXCITED that I got to be a part of all of that, but there is an extreme feeling of guilt that also goes along with LIVING with metastatic breast cancer. This spring, a young girl and her father from our community lives were taken in an accident, shortly after that my friend never woke from his sleep. This isn't supposed to happen. They should out live me by YEARS. I have metastatic breast cancer. I am nearly 3 years into my 2 to 5 year life span. While I mourn the loss of their lives and I try to support their families I live with this guilty feeling. It really is a tough thing. Today, I received the news that my cancer is STABLE. Not growing, not shrinking, it is STABLE. STABLE in my world is awesome! At the end of the day, the lesson to be learned is, LIFE it is short. Shorter than we could ever want it to be. Live, live every single day. Live life happily. Live it well. Live life to the fullest! Be kind, be present in the moment and praise God! Today, I received the news that my cancer is STABLE.... I hope and pray I ride this STABLE ride for a long long time!
Thanks to everyone who continues to pray for my health!
Here are a few fun photos of the last few months!
The Boys at graduation!
Brooke running!
Friends celebrating life overlooking the Grand Canyon!
If you haven't checked out the song Broken Vessels Amazing Grace yet, please do!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiyYoe678yI
and of course, #getbusyliving
Peace and Joy,
Chris Stark
