365 Days........

365 days ago today Dr. Hayes from U of M took time out of his vacation out east to call me and let me know that he viewed my pathology report and my breast cancer had metastasized making me stage 4.  A few days later we sat in his office and he step by step went through what metastatic breast cancer meant.  He educated us that my breast cancer had spread from my breast to my lungs, chest wall and kidneys.  He shared with us that the average life span of someone with stage 4 breast cancer was 3-5 years.  That the medication he was suggesting I take, would hopefully stop the cancer from growing, and possibly shrink the tumors.  365 days later I am still on the same treatment he suggested, some of the tumors have shrank and the side effects are tolerable.  Some days I feel like I am still adjusting to my "new normal." I feel good and still do all the things I did before, I just do them much slower, I rest a lot more, I sleep way more than I did before and I see the world in a different light.

In the last 365 days I have gone into medical menopause, gained 25 unwanted pounds, swallowed $120,000 worth of Ibrance,  traveled to the Caribbean twice, visited NYC and Las Vegas. I have had amazing conversations with my children, jumped off the Stratosphere and out of an airplane at 10,000 feet. I have turned 40 years old and truly enjoyed each day of my life.

I have made friends with many other stage 4 friends and also watched this terrible disease take the life of friends. I have had the privledge of meeting a thriver, a friend who has been living with stage 4 breast cancer for 18 years. She gives me hope that I too can be here in 18 years.

Some days I find so much joy knowing how great the last 365 days have been and others days I struggle thinking that I am a year into this 3-5 year life span that statistically I have....I have many adventures planned for the next 365 days as well.  I don't know how long I will continue to feel well and not suffer from debilitating side effects of cancer so I will continue to travel, explore, check things off the bucket list and live an adventurous life because that is what I desire and I am well enough to do it.....

I am due for my next scan anytime, I decided that I would like to enjoy the holidays without scanxiety and end 2017 knowing that for now I am stable....  I will schedule a scan for early January. Life is good today...

Peace and Hugs,

Chris and family

10 Months and Counting......

It has been 10 months since we learned I have stage 4 breast cancer.  Cancer that has spread to my lungs. Cancer that has no cure, only medication that can try to help stop the cancer from growing. That is until the cancer out smarts the drug and starts to grow again.  The average lifespan after diagnosis is 3 to 5 years.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about that.  Over the last 10 months I have met many awesome women that are also stage 4.  Lifers (#lifer) like me....  One living a great life with stage 4 breast cancer for over 17 years.  Some 10 years younger than me with tiny children.  Some who have passed away just 2 years after their diagnosis.  Some who's drugs are failing them so onto the next drug they go.  Every one's story is different, the same treatment can be tolerated so differently for the person next to me.  Yet we all connect, and share this bond that no one else can relate to and trust me we don't want you in our club.  I had a scan this week, my 5th scan in 10 months.  My scan reads STABLE.  Stable in the cancer world is awesome news!  I said many prayers of thanks after receiving that news.

Since my last blog I have been pretty busy checking things off my bucket list.....  I have jumped 10,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane, free falling at 125 mph is the most incredible thrill, then the parachute opens, you start to slow down and the view of the world is just breathtaking.

My friend Susan and I took a trip to NYC. In 4 days we managed to see Time Square, see the show Wicked, walk through Central Park, Watch Lady A perform on Good Morning America, Visit the Twin Tower Memorials, take a cruise around the Statue of Liberty, master the subway and get backstage at the Today Show meeting Kathie Lee and Hoda and getting 5 seconds of fame on national TV. My sweet friend Cari set that up and Susan managed to keep it a secret.  It is a great story.  

School has started, Bryce is a Junior and Brooke is in 8th grade.  It is such a joy to watch them grow up I am so thankful I am here each day to see them, and be their Mother.  

I finally after 10 months feel like I have a pretty good balance between life and life with cancer.  I know my limits, I don't always like them but I am learning to deal with them.  I am finding joy in each day, living in the moment because the moment is all any of us truly have.  I stopped stressing about silly things, and just chose joy. 

If you haven't heard this song "My Story" by Big Daddy Weave take a few minutes to listen to it...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da64vJ5mGto

Peace and Hope,

Chris

No News is GOOD News

Many friends have reached out lately to see how I am doing, so I thought I would give an update.  I am GREAT!  Honestly, I feel really good.  Lately we have done some adjusting to my medication schedule, which has resulted in more sleep and I feel awesome!  I am slowly starting to exercise again, I am eating well, making my own juices, working and having a ton of fun.  I am learning to live with the menopause hot flashes which really are my biggest complaint right now, they are more annoying than the side effects of my medication.  I won't lie, I take a quick nap just about everyday, but I think that is just part of learning to adjust to the new normal and balancing the side effects that come along with my cancer and medications.

My next scan to see how my therapy is working is scheduled for June 29th, prayers for shrinking tumors are always welcome.

We have been busy celebrating graduations and weddings.  Below are a few fun pictures of my family from a recent family wedding.  I had to pull out the cancer card to get my brother Wesley to put on his precious prince crown and pose in the silly picture, but hey it worked!

I love summertime in Michigan and nothing beats the sandy lakeshore of Lake Michigan, we purchased kayaks so we could enjoy more of the simple things in life and we have had  a blast so far doing just that.  I told myself I would kayak at least once a week, and so far I have.  Below is a picture of a few of my "squad' members and I enjoying the beauty of the lake.

In July I am checking more off my bucket list and visiting NYC with one of my besties Susan Collins.  I am so blessed to be able to travel share special memories with friends. I am also turning 40 this summer. I will be celebrating that birthday for an entire week, maybe even the whole month of August. :)

We never know what the Lord's plan for us is, but we know he has an amazing plan.  I have been praying about my journey with Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC).  There has to be so much more than just living and dying with MBC. A few months ago I applied for a scholarship opportunity with "Living Beyond Breast Cancer" and after an interview with them I was awarded a scholarship to take a three day course on Breast Cancer Advocacy.  The course is in Boston in July. So, I am super excited to have the opportunity to work with other MBC women like me.  I don't know where this will take me in life, but I know I want to make a difference to others somehow.

The kids are great, after several months they talked us into getting a puppy.  Below is a picture of Cleo our chocolate lab.  She is a great pup so far and we are enjoying having her in our family. School is out and the kids are busy.  Bryce is working at Wirtz Electric where Jeff works and Brooke is busy being social.  Both are participating in summer workouts and sports camps.  Bryce will be entering 11th grade and Brooke 8th.  Time does fly!

Be sure to catch a sunset this summer, ride a wave, build a sand castle and enjoy all that life has to offer.  All we have is this moment, make your moment count.

Peace and Hope,
Chris

Genetics, Hot Flashes, Mutations, Chemo, Appointments and Vacations. I like Vacations Best!

Here we are, the end of April..... I was diagnosed the end of November.  I am about to start my 6th month of chemotherapy.  How am I doing? I really am tolerating my treatment well. Hot flashes from the instant menopause are grueling and keep me up at night, but I can live with that. I still have my long hair, I have a nice golden tan from my recent trip to the Bahamas. I am working full time and really try to be grateful for each day. Of course I am grateful.... I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful support system and people everywhere offering me help.  Yet I find myself so lonely.  Cancer is lonely, stage 4 cancer is really lonely. I realize we are all dying, any one of us can be taken from earth at any time. All any of us have is THIS moment but that is made much more precious when living with terminal cancer. I haven't taught my kids everything they need to know yet, I still have a long bucket list, I want to learn to sew, I want to become a good cook, I want to travel the world. See a volcano, a glacier. I want to climb a mountain.  I need to get busy living with cancer, preparing for a future yet I feel like I need to prepare for the future without me in it also... I wake up each day and try to take it for what it is... I try to live in the moment, live in the present. Cherish each moment with those I love, yet I can't get cancer, stage 4 cancer off my mind. How long will I feel well? How long before my cancer will out smart my treatment? It's exhausting... Keep surrendering to the Lord, Chris.... I keep telling myself that.

I have learned after my 3rd round of genetic testing that I carry the Palb2 gene which is a newly discovered gene linked to breast cancer, and I also may carry the MSH2 gene known as Lynch Syndrome  which is linked to numerous cancers. I am still waiting for a final report to come from the University of Michigan to determine the MSH2 mutation.  So, now I find myself reading, and reading about what to eat,  what to take, what to do. To help reduce any greater risks for myself and my kids, each of them have a 50 percent chance of carrying these mutations.  At some point we will have them tested. My genetics counselor suggested Brooke have her first mammogram at age 20.  In 2008 when I was first tested the only known Breast Cancer mutations were the BRCA 1 and 2 genes.  In 2014 when tested again there were 16 known mutations and today there are over 30 known mutations linked to breast cancer.  That is a lot of advancement in 9 years, but it isn't enough.  My Palb2 mutation is so newly discovered that they don't know a lot about how to treat patients with it,  or what works best.  I am enrolled in a case study and U of M is following my case.   I want to know everything I can about this gene and what we can do in the future to prevent loved ones from becoming stage 4 as I did.

Life is good.  For spring break we spent 4 days in Charleston S.C. being tourist and learning about history of S.C. Then we took a 5 night cruise to the Bahamas, soaked up a ton of sunshine, relaxed on beaches, and ate amazing food. It was so nice to be waited on for 5 days.  Brooke is currently playing softball and running track. Bryce is spending a lot of time in the gym working on football and basketball.  I am working full time and also the assistant coach of our JV softball team.  I find keeping busy helps me keep my mind off of cancer.  I won't lie, many days my plate feels overloaded, but I am learning to balance and learning to let some other things go. Jeff is busy holding down the fort at home, he is usually in charge of dinner and making sure Brooke gets everywhere she needs to be. Lucky for him my softball season is much shorter than his football season. His duties at home will soon be changing as we shift gears in seasons.  I have figured out how to live with stage 4 cancer, I have learned what I can handle at this point, when I need a nap and when to say no, now if I could just settle the anxiety that comes along with my diagnosis that would be great. My next scan is in June, we hope to spend the summer celebrating stability, enjoying Michigan beaches, kayaking, and maybe checking another trip off my bucket list.

Peace and Hope,
Chris and family.

Here are a few pictures from our great trip!

Good News and lots of Memories

I have successfully completed three months of my oral chemo (Ibrance). Fatigue and nausea are my biggest complaints, but nothing I can't work through and it certainly isn't stopping me from living life. On Tuesday I had my first CT to see how the treatment is working. Today I met with Dr. Alguire for the results. I have breast cancer on my left lung and that area is unchanged. In the world of stage 4 cancer, unchanged is one of the treatment goals. My treatment is designed to hopefully stop cancer from growing while possibly shrinking tumors as well. I also have cancer in lymph nodes in my abdominal area some close to my heart.  Those areas are shrinking, so this is GREAT news!  While we are all praying for a miracle, and for the cancer to go away, the news that I am stable and some areas are shrinking is fantastic.

Moving forward we keep doing what we are doing.  21 days of chemo with a 7 day  break along with monthly injections of Faslodex. Working full time, keeping up with my busy kids, coaching softball and living life. So far this year we escaped to the Caribbean with good friends for a few nights.I had the honor and privledge to meet with members of the famous Christian band "Big Daddy Weave" This group and my sweet friend Angela and Jeff prayed over me, and how powerful that was.  God is working and we see it.  I was also able to help surprise a bestie with a trip to Vegas to celebrate her 40th Birthday. I jumped 855 feet off a building which was truly amazing and for spring break we are going on a cruise with our kids and good friends.  We are finding balance with life, and learning to live through treatment, enjoying life even with stage 4 cancer. Someone told me I make having cancer look easy.   It certainly isn't easy, but it does really put life in perspective.  I don't know how many good scans we will have, or how long my treatment will out smart the cancer, but I do know I am going to live each moment while I feel good!

My family thanks everyone for the prayers, they keep us strong when it would be easy to be weak.  They also show healing in my body and we are so grateful for that. Attached are some pictures from our recent escapes of reality and yes, that is me in the air! Jumping 855 feet, it was awesome and I can't wait to cross some more thrilling adventures off my bucket list.

Peace and Hope,
Chris and family

Blessed

It has been 60 days since I received the phone call that my breast cancer had metastasized to my lung. What a whirlwind of fear, prayers, sadness, prayers, anxiety, prayers, questions, more prayers, more surgery, the start of chemo and many many more prayers the last 60 days has been.

The phone call came the day after Thanksgiving, just as I was about to walk out the door to celebrate the upcoming birth of a new family member.  The next 30 days were filled with doctors appointments, Christmas celebration after celebration and the start of a New Year.  Life was so busy we hardly had time to really absorb the new reality ahead of us and the fact that stage 4 breast cancer has no cure, for the rest of my life here on earth I would be receiving chemotherapy treatments.

As the Christmas Season came and went and 2017 started, the meals, love and support continue flood us. We are so grateful for that. However, as life settled back in and the kids returned to school I started to slip into a dark place. I tried my best to hide it from my family and friends. I tried to hide the sadness and fear that was filling my soul. I put a smile on my face, went to work, games etc just as anyone would expect from me. Inside though I felt like I was dying.....

The sermon series at church this month is "Surrender" and each day I would do just that.  I would surrender my fears to God and have enough strength to get through the day. I used to find so much peace in being alone, I would long for kids bedtimes so I could have a hour alone. But suddenly being alone was scary for me. It gave me time to think and made my mind run wild and full of fear. Sleepless nights, and so much anxiety.  All I could do was what I knew to do and that was to keep praying and keep surrendering.

On January 15th, I went to visit a friend in the hospital.  Someone just starting their own roller coaster ride with cancer, only she didn't get a chance to fight. Her ride ended far to soon. My friend died that same day. That weighed so heavy on my mind for days and still does.  It was that day that I started to realize, yes I do have metastatic breast cancer. I understand there is no cure, but I am tolerating my treatment well, my side effects are manageable and I am finding balance in what I can do and what I need to let go. So why would I spend time being sad and depressed?  I need to get busy living.  Enjoying family, friends, work, and LIFE. Because I am here and I still have a LIFE. I have cancer, but I can't let cancer have my spirit.

In the past month the little community I am blessed to live in that sits on beautiful White Lake has blessed me beyond measures. It started with the Montague vs Whitehall girls basketball game becoming a pink out event, honoring and showing love and support for me and my family.  The bleachers were packed in pink, and the gym was full of positive energy the entire evening.

My family attends Evangelical Covenant Church of Whitehall Michigan and last night our dear friend Craig Smith who is the Youth and Worship Pastor along with so many other wonderful people held the most amazing worship service for our family.  We were blessed with a huge crowd of family, friends and even strangers. Showing love and support to us, wonderful music by a variety of people, some jokes, poems and so many prayers. My family left the worship last night with full hearts.  It is such a gift to be blessed by our community.  We tried to acknowledge each person who attended, but as we read through the cards we realized we missed so many of you.  Please know we are so overwhelmed by the presence of everyone and we thank God for all of you touching our lives, praying for us, and helping us ease the financial burden that comes with cancer.

 We are so blessed and our God is an awesome God!

I am just about finished with my second round of chemo, and tolerating things well. Learning to balance life with the side effects. I will have a scan in about one month and we will see how my cancer is reacting to my treatment so far. I am learning that life is good and can continue to be good even with stage 4 cancer!

Peace and Hope,
Chris Stark and family