Sharing Faith

                                             



As a young adult if anyone ever told me that I would face cancer at 30 years young, I would of said, that won't happen to me! If anyone would of told me 9 years later at 39 I would be facing stage 4 cancer with no cure, I would of said, that won't happen to me!  If anyone told me that in my lifetime we would experience a world pandemic that would put the United States at a stand still, I wouldn't of believed them.  Again, here we are at this time I didn't think I would ever see.....

I won't lie, in the beginning days of COVID-19, I didn't think that it would stop me from living the life I am used to.  For those of you who know me well you know that I have two motto's that I live by. One is "Get Busy Living" and the other is,"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it is about learning to dance in the rain."  So, of course I was going to get busy living.  No pandemic was going to stop me from our planned vacation. Well it did, it cancelled school, sports, stopped me from stepping foot in a business for an extended period of time and so many other things.  My sons freshman year of college as they have known it on campus has been cut short. The last day my high school daughter spent in a classroom as a sophomore was in March. Bryce and Peyton are swimming in the waters of online zoom classes in our country home with limited WiFi and my daughter is filling her time trying new recipes, learning to cook and bake instead of attending high school and running track.  Life feels like we are living in a bad movie some days.

We all have a different story. Our reasons for the way we react to this pandemic are all different. For me it is because I have a weakened immune system even though most days I appear to be very healthy.  I have breast cancer in my lungs, COVID-19 would likely kill me. Some days it overwhelms me to no end, on those days I pray for strength. Some days I am so productive I forget the nightmare we are living in right now, those days I thank God for the strength I was given. Some people have fear because they are suddenly not be working and will loose health insurance or not be able to pay bills during this time.  Some people maybe recovering addicts now stuck at home and isolated.  Some are having to change wedding plans and baby showers, some are dying alone because visitors aren't allowed in many hospitals.  Whatever your story is you are in my prayers.  If you aren't a believer you still have my prayers.  I haven't stepped foot in a business in over 23 days.  Daily I walk or ride my bike, usually to the Lakeshore because that is my happy place. I didn't hoard toilet paper during this pandemic, I was a paint hoarder previously to the pandemic, for over a year I have had 6 gallons of paint sitting in my basement waiting for a rainy day or the energy to paint. Needless to say we have found ways to also put the paint to good use with our extra time.  We have had our children take turns preparing dinner.  It has been fun to see what they come up with and how independent they can be. The boys have been chopping and stacking wood.  Brooke stays busy organizing things and working out.  It brings a smile to my face watch her sprint past the window when I look outside. I am working, but from home which I thank God daily for. Jeff is laid off due to COVID-19, we don't usually take stay-cations, whenever we use vacation time we are usually off exploring somewhere, so many of our unfinished projects are being completed while he is home.  This is all new to us, and we would much rather be carrying on with life as we knew it two months ago, I thank God everyday we are under one roof together, that we are healthy and finding ways to keep busy. I personally could not get through this tough time without my Faith in God.  Prayer keeps me strong when it could be so easy to be weak.

Regardless of your political views, rather you like Trump or not, want Governor Whitmer recalled or think she is doing a great job. Maybe you lost a loved one during this pandemic and didn't get to lay them to rest the way you needed, to have the closure.  You might own a business big or small and fear it may not make it through this pandemic. You might be home with young kids driving you crazy, or home all alone like our 93 year old Grandmother is. You might have been in the middle of infertility treatments and now those are put off. Maybe you are working on the front lines exposed to COVID daily.  Whatever it is you are doing,  it is a scary time. Sometimes that fear makes me say things or act in ways I don't want to.  Each time I start to feel fear take over, I remind myself, "Faith over Fear"  Faith over Fear is what keeps me pushing through living life with cancer and it will be what gets me through the trying times of this global pandemic. If I can pray for you, please send me a message and let me know!  I would be honored to say a prayer for you too. 




One of my favorite worship songs...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGYjKR69M6U



Peace and Hugs,
Chris

Survivors Guilt (It is a thing)

Survivors Guilt, it really is a thing.  Boy, do I ever struggle with it!  I don't even know where to start.  In September of 2018 I had a trip planned with my friend Erin. Within 2 weeks of the departure of our trip she sent me a text that she had to have emergency surgery because her cancer had spread to her bones..... She wouldn't be able to make the trip we had planned.  I felt guilty, guilty that I had stage 4 cancer just like her.  Guilty that I still felt well, that I had been riding the STABLE ride. My sweet friend Erin, she died a few months later.  She left behind three young boys.  I got to watch my boy be part of the homecoming court,  play in a state championship football game, attend his senior prom and graduate from high school. I watched my daughter run in the track state finals as a freshman, turn 16 and drive out of our driveway for the first time all by herself. I went on a family vacation and also celebrated 20 years of marriage. Don't get me wrong, I was so EXCITED that I got to be a part of all of that, but there is an extreme feeling of guilt that also goes along with LIVING with metastatic breast cancer.  This spring, a young girl and her father from our community lives were taken in an accident, shortly after that my friend never woke from his sleep.  This isn't supposed to happen.  They should out live me by YEARS.  I have metastatic breast cancer.  I am nearly 3 years into my 2 to 5 year life span.  While I mourn the loss of their lives and I try to support their families I live with this guilty feeling.  It really is a tough thing. Today, I received the news that my cancer is STABLE.  Not growing, not shrinking, it is STABLE.  STABLE in my world is awesome!  At the end of the day, the lesson to be learned is, LIFE it is short.  Shorter than we could ever want it to be.  Live, live every single day.  Live life happily. Live it well. Live life to the fullest!  Be kind, be present in the moment and praise God!  Today, I received the news that my cancer is STABLE.... I hope and pray I ride this STABLE ride for a long long time!

Thanks to everyone who continues to pray for my health!

Here are a few fun photos of the last few months!


The Boys at graduation!


Brooke running!


Friends celebrating life overlooking the Grand Canyon!

If you haven't checked out the song Broken Vessels Amazing Grace yet, please do!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiyYoe678yI

and of course, #getbusyliving

Peace and Joy,
Chris Stark

Intentional......

Am I being intentional? Do I execute my thoughts and feelings? So much on my mind these days......  I haven't posted an update about my health in awhile.  Trust me, the thought crosses my mind often. But I am busy.....  And I hate it when people use busy as an excuse, we are all busy.  But honestly I am busy!  I am busy living with a purpose.

It has been two years since my metastatic breast cancer diagnosis.  The first year was filled with surgery, doctors appointments, side effects and adjustments to the new normal, all while trying to fit everything from my bucket list into one year because honestly I had to live, and I had to hurry. 

The second year I decided to slow down some, reflect, journal and find my purpose.  Don't get me wrong, I am still checking items off my bucket list, and I still believe we all need to get busy living, but I want to do all of that with a purpose.  When you tell someone you are praying for them, are you really praying for them?  Or do you just tell them that because that is what people say when they don't know what else to say? I am blessed to have some very intentional prayer warriors in my court. I often receive text messages or cards in the mail with friends prayers for me.  That is intention, and purpose.

As I move into year three with metastatic cancer, I am blessed to have a loving family, friends, a career and I feel well. I am still on my first line treatment and side effects are minimal.  My December scan showed that my cancer is "stable".  Stable in cancerland means that cancer isn't growing or shrinking.  This is good news.  I thank the Lord every day that I am stable.......

During the past year we have traveled to the UP, camped, hiked, kayaked, visited Mackinac Island and truly enjoyed "Pure Michigan"

For Christmas we took a family trip to Georgia to watch Michigan play in the Peach Bowl.  While it wasn't the outcome we wanted it was a memory that we will never forget.

Bryce is a high school senior this year, and we have enjoyed every moment of his last year so far.  Below is one of our favorite senior pictures along with one of our favorite photos of him during the Division 6 State Football Finals.

During the past year and a half we have welcomed an extra teenager into our home. Below is one of his senior pictures.  Peyton has been a blessing to our family and we love having him around.

Brooke started her freshman year this year and is currently on the JV basketball team.  We have enjoyed watching her gain confidence and grow this past year.  Below is a picture of her after she made her first 3 point basket and also a picture of her and Bryce before the homecoming dance.

I truly enjoy each day and I am thankful for each moment that I have to get busy living intentionally and with purpose.

I wish you all a healthy happy 2019.  Most of all remember to take time to soak up the moments and enjoy life.

Choose Joy

Cancer can do funny things to our minds.  It makes you aware of every ache and pain, terrifying you that the cancer could be growing.  It makes you think about the specials gifts you want to buy your children for their graduation day or wedding day because statistically odds are you wont be there to celebrate with them but then I tell myself its just a statistic and I may make those statistics change.  It keeps me up at night, and sometimes doesn't allow my brain to shut off.

Cancer makes me laugh at little things that I used to think were a big problem and it makes me slow down and relax more.  The other morning during rush hour traffic in Grand Rapids I was waiting to turn right and the anxious driver behind me kept honking because apparently my definition of a safe turn and his was different.  I couldn't help but laugh and think really dude, if your biggest problem right now is my safe driving, lets trade problems.  I eventually turned and as he sped by me he so kindly gave me his middle finger.

Cancer makes you closer with old friends, makes new friends and can drive friends away.  It makes you stop and enjoy the little things, and live in the moment because as I have said before, this moment right now is all any of us are guaranteed.  Cancer makes me want to check my bucket list off a little faster, and explore the world a little more.

After 13 months of Ibrance and Faslodex, and another scan my report reads that my cancer is stable.  Unchanged, no new growth.  Today I Choose Joy.  Joyful that I am stable, Joyful for Ibrance and Faslodex and Joyful I still feel well enough to go to work, travel, have fun and be a Mom.  Life is good!





Peace and Hope,
Chris

365 Days........

365 days ago today Dr. Hayes from U of M took time out of his vacation out east to call me and let me know that he viewed my pathology report and my breast cancer had metastasized making me stage 4.  A few days later we sat in his office and he step by step went through what metastatic breast cancer meant.  He educated us that my breast cancer had spread from my breast to my lungs, chest wall and kidneys.  He shared with us that the average life span of someone with stage 4 breast cancer was 3-5 years.  That the medication he was suggesting I take, would hopefully stop the cancer from growing, and possibly shrink the tumors.  365 days later I am still on the same treatment he suggested, some of the tumors have shrank and the side effects are tolerable.  Some days I feel like I am still adjusting to my "new normal." I feel good and still do all the things I did before, I just do them much slower, I rest a lot more, I sleep way more than I did before and I see the world in a different light.

In the last 365 days I have gone into medical menopause, gained 25 unwanted pounds, swallowed $120,000 worth of Ibrance,  traveled to the Caribbean twice, visited NYC and Las Vegas. I have had amazing conversations with my children, jumped off the Stratosphere and out of an airplane at 10,000 feet. I have turned 40 years old and truly enjoyed each day of my life.

I have made friends with many other stage 4 friends and also watched this terrible disease take the life of friends. I have had the privledge of meeting a thriver, a friend who has been living with stage 4 breast cancer for 18 years. She gives me hope that I too can be here in 18 years.

Some days I find so much joy knowing how great the last 365 days have been and others days I struggle thinking that I am a year into this 3-5 year life span that statistically I have....I have many adventures planned for the next 365 days as well.  I don't know how long I will continue to feel well and not suffer from debilitating side effects of cancer so I will continue to travel, explore, check things off the bucket list and live an adventurous life because that is what I desire and I am well enough to do it.....

I am due for my next scan anytime, I decided that I would like to enjoy the holidays without scanxiety and end 2017 knowing that for now I am stable....  I will schedule a scan for early January. Life is good today...

Peace and Hugs,

Chris and family

10 Months and Counting......

It has been 10 months since we learned I have stage 4 breast cancer.  Cancer that has spread to my lungs. Cancer that has no cure, only medication that can try to help stop the cancer from growing. That is until the cancer out smarts the drug and starts to grow again.  The average lifespan after diagnosis is 3 to 5 years.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about that.  Over the last 10 months I have met many awesome women that are also stage 4.  Lifers (#lifer) like me....  One living a great life with stage 4 breast cancer for over 17 years.  Some 10 years younger than me with tiny children.  Some who have passed away just 2 years after their diagnosis.  Some who's drugs are failing them so onto the next drug they go.  Every one's story is different, the same treatment can be tolerated so differently for the person next to me.  Yet we all connect, and share this bond that no one else can relate to and trust me we don't want you in our club.  I had a scan this week, my 5th scan in 10 months.  My scan reads STABLE.  Stable in the cancer world is awesome news!  I said many prayers of thanks after receiving that news.

Since my last blog I have been pretty busy checking things off my bucket list.....  I have jumped 10,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane, free falling at 125 mph is the most incredible thrill, then the parachute opens, you start to slow down and the view of the world is just breathtaking.

My friend Susan and I took a trip to NYC. In 4 days we managed to see Time Square, see the show Wicked, walk through Central Park, Watch Lady A perform on Good Morning America, Visit the Twin Tower Memorials, take a cruise around the Statue of Liberty, master the subway and get backstage at the Today Show meeting Kathie Lee and Hoda and getting 5 seconds of fame on national TV. My sweet friend Cari set that up and Susan managed to keep it a secret.  It is a great story.  

School has started, Bryce is a Junior and Brooke is in 8th grade.  It is such a joy to watch them grow up I am so thankful I am here each day to see them, and be their Mother.  

I finally after 10 months feel like I have a pretty good balance between life and life with cancer.  I know my limits, I don't always like them but I am learning to deal with them.  I am finding joy in each day, living in the moment because the moment is all any of us truly have.  I stopped stressing about silly things, and just chose joy. 

If you haven't heard this song "My Story" by Big Daddy Weave take a few minutes to listen to it...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da64vJ5mGto

Peace and Hope,

Chris

No News is GOOD News

Many friends have reached out lately to see how I am doing, so I thought I would give an update.  I am GREAT!  Honestly, I feel really good.  Lately we have done some adjusting to my medication schedule, which has resulted in more sleep and I feel awesome!  I am slowly starting to exercise again, I am eating well, making my own juices, working and having a ton of fun.  I am learning to live with the menopause hot flashes which really are my biggest complaint right now, they are more annoying than the side effects of my medication.  I won't lie, I take a quick nap just about everyday, but I think that is just part of learning to adjust to the new normal and balancing the side effects that come along with my cancer and medications.

My next scan to see how my therapy is working is scheduled for June 29th, prayers for shrinking tumors are always welcome.

We have been busy celebrating graduations and weddings.  Below are a few fun pictures of my family from a recent family wedding.  I had to pull out the cancer card to get my brother Wesley to put on his precious prince crown and pose in the silly picture, but hey it worked!

I love summertime in Michigan and nothing beats the sandy lakeshore of Lake Michigan, we purchased kayaks so we could enjoy more of the simple things in life and we have had  a blast so far doing just that.  I told myself I would kayak at least once a week, and so far I have.  Below is a picture of a few of my "squad' members and I enjoying the beauty of the lake.

In July I am checking more off my bucket list and visiting NYC with one of my besties Susan Collins.  I am so blessed to be able to travel share special memories with friends. I am also turning 40 this summer. I will be celebrating that birthday for an entire week, maybe even the whole month of August. :)

We never know what the Lord's plan for us is, but we know he has an amazing plan.  I have been praying about my journey with Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC).  There has to be so much more than just living and dying with MBC. A few months ago I applied for a scholarship opportunity with "Living Beyond Breast Cancer" and after an interview with them I was awarded a scholarship to take a three day course on Breast Cancer Advocacy.  The course is in Boston in July. So, I am super excited to have the opportunity to work with other MBC women like me.  I don't know where this will take me in life, but I know I want to make a difference to others somehow.

The kids are great, after several months they talked us into getting a puppy.  Below is a picture of Cleo our chocolate lab.  She is a great pup so far and we are enjoying having her in our family. School is out and the kids are busy.  Bryce is working at Wirtz Electric where Jeff works and Brooke is busy being social.  Both are participating in summer workouts and sports camps.  Bryce will be entering 11th grade and Brooke 8th.  Time does fly!

Be sure to catch a sunset this summer, ride a wave, build a sand castle and enjoy all that life has to offer.  All we have is this moment, make your moment count.

Peace and Hope,
Chris